Zac: "I wish you would have stayed out here longer after I set the fan up, it really cooled off.."
Me: "Well i was having a hard time keeping my eyes open anyway"
Zac: "Why didn't you write that? instead of just the thermostat part to make me look bad?"
Me: "I didn't mention you at all in that post, you just knew the rest of the story and chose to feel bad"
Zac: "Brenna knew, she commented on it"
Me: "She was here"
Zac: "Well you always make me look bad. *insert friend's name here* doesn't even like me."
Me: "That's because she's my friend. I complain about my husband to her. It's what friends do. She complains about hers too.. Did I tell you she's really sad lately, and her husband told her she was just doing it for attention and needed to knock it off?"
Zac: "That's not cool. Depression is a serious thing, and if left unchecked it can kill you. Sometimes it's a long drawn out process like with cancer. and not just suicide, depressed people start smoking, or drinking themselves to death"
Me: "Sometimes they're so lonely they buy random exotic pets that eat them in their sleep"
Zac: "What the HELL went on in your life before I came along?"
Me: "We're almost out of ketchup."
Zac: "You just bought a new bottle not very long ago."
Me: "I didn't ask 'When did I last purchase ketchup?' I stated that we're almost out."
Zac: "I went to eharmony before I met you to see what kind of person they would say I'm compatible with around Kearney. They gave me some goth chick. She had dark hair and was really pale. Kind of like you, but with dark hair."
Me: "So you're saying I'm pale?"
Zac: "yes."
Zac: *holds up phone* "What the hell is that?"
Me: "A picture of my mouth."
Zac: "huh."
But now he's left for work, so you'll have to rely solely on my conversations with myself for entertainment until the kids get home.
I just got off the phone with the contract people, and after next? week's graduation we'll officially be out of karate. Sigh. I know Brenna will be happy, but I'm a little sad. But it means I don't have to drive to town every week night, so maybe I'll learn to be okay with it?
Okay, kids are home. Both walked into the house with a smile on their face too! Brenna told me this story..
"So I was walking to the house from the bus, and I started clapping for no reason. So I announced 'I'm clapping!' and Chris said 'To your own greatness?' and then I said 'yes, yes I am'."
I just told Chris he has to clear a path in his room before he can play the Wii.
Chris: "But mommmm why?"
Me: "I have to vacuum up those fleas before they take over the whole house, and eat our eyeballs while we sleep."
Chris: "Can't we just move?"
I wish!
Brenna just came in crying, made her brother give her a hug, and yelled "Don't die!"
You'll be happy to know she finally found the cover to her light switch. It's been years I think.
My son needs a haircut. So do I.
Alright.. Guess I'll go find a cub scout uniform.
I found this story from when Brenna was Chris's age..
"I love that my daughter is old enough to be completely embarrassed by her mother. I have instilled the fear into her of showing up and walking into her school sporting my giant, silky, yellow jammie pants with the lemons all over them.
You wouldn't!!
Oh, wouldn't I?
I don't believe you.
Well then.. continue with the sassy talk, and take your chances.
Why can't you just spank me like a normal mom?"
Those jammie pants were the best $3 I ever spent. They had a lot of power.
Of course now that she's 16, things have changed. I brought up this story to her the other day in the car and she said something to the effect that it wouldn't bother her now because I'm totally weird, and her and her friends are used to it.
So I guess I have to work that magic while Chris is still young. Although it really does take a lot to embarrass him. I did win once when I told him if he didn't get dressed, I was going to make up a song about his penis, and sing it to his friends.
I'm not against spanking. I've done my share. But it always happens at the point where they are freaking out so bad that nothing else will get their attention. And yes, sometimes even teenagers need a thwap in the ear.
My parenting techniques aren't that outrageous, but I've been told sometimes they're a little "off"..
I like to let my kids experience consequences related to their actions. I do my part by specifically spelling out what these consequences will be, but ultimately the final decisions are in their hands. No, I don't let them do dangerous or hurtful things, but for most things I let them sink or swim on their own.
Chris insisted on ice cream for breakfast. I said no, and asked what his second choice was. He said there was nothing else in the world he wanted to eat. Just ice cream. I told him to pick something else, or he was just going to go to school hungry. He picked to not eat. He's gonna be a hungry boy by lunch time!
And it's not my fault. I suppose I could have spent the entire morning fighting with him, and begging for him to eat something.. but eh.. nah.
Last night I wasn't feeling well, so I mostly left getting him to bed to my husband. By 10:30pm though, I realized I hadn't given him the proper "tools" to make it happen. You can't just yell at him to go back to bed. Well, technically you can, but it doesn't work.
Jedi Mind Tricks, folks. They will make you prosper.